Following an exchange on FaceBook regarding yoga, a friend suggested I start my own version, called “Kava yoga”. Here are the rules. Please read carefully before attending my classes.
The following are encouraged and will earn brownie points and perhaps a free lesson:
- Close attention to breathing at all times;
- Gentle stretch without forcing;
- Exclaiming “there’s no way I can do that mate”, “you must be kidding”, etc during hard moves; this encourages others who are in the same position as yourself;
- Injection of humour during laborious long silent sessions;
- Suggestions for gentle western music to accompany the lessons.
The following will not be tolerated and will result in a fine or even expulsion from the course:
- Showing off how supple you are to others in the class, before start of session;
- The use of the word “energy” other than in the context of physics or fuel;
- The request for burning candles, incense or any other material other than to heat the room;
- Uttering the tiniest part of a Sanskrit prayer at the start or end of the session, especially if you are a westerner and have no idea what it means;
- Any reference to any of the seven so-called “chakras”;
- Any reference to a mysterious yellow glow in any part of your body;
- Bowing your head with hands in prayer position at the end and saying loudly and sincerely “Namaste”; a thumbs up and “thanks guv” will suffice;
- Turning to face the sun for the sun salutation move;
- Any utterance of the non-word “Ommmmm”.
I look forward to seeing you in my classes to be starting soon.